Tuesday, 31 July 2018

Adjusting home after teaching in Japan and Korea

 It is a sunday 8 am I woke up at 7:16 am nooo, I have just been trying to adjust my life back in Uk, Its almost been a month but I am still adjusting it seems. I have been living in two of the most homogenous countries Korea and Japan so I feel a bit anxious returning home, they say you can get reversal culture shock. I am feeling it.  I wonder how many people must be coming back home after living abroad and feeling those feelings, Is there someone reading this perhaps I was trying to find blogs talking about it maybe to connect in some way, I feel for the ones who have lived away for so long, I had some teachers who were in Japan for more then 5 years can you imagine.

 Life back home always seems a little slow, the weather is 35 celsius plus and strange, my family is getting used to having everyone home, and going through arguments all the time. I think once you are all old its hard to live in one roof as everyone is very opinionated but hey I admire my sisters strength and power as a woman, better to be a strong woman I think. I woke up so early today I don't like that feeling it feels groggy.

 At this stage of my life I am pretty unsure what I should know or what I should do, Its great for people who really are going somewhere or doing something but everyone has their own path, I personally don't like to pressure myself so much. But the only thing I hate is feeling lazy, I want to be doing something but honestly as long as it made me happy that would be good. I am healthy, I am happy and even a loner I have learnt to amuse myself I do go through some slowwwwww loww days then I wonder what my mum must do all the time. The only thing I hate is if I could be helping someone or some cause and I am wasting my time on the internet or being brain washed. I love and hate the internet yes it has so much information so much power, we can link in to everyone of our family yet somehow I think social media has made the human race even more lonelier. I dunno if we didn't have it maybe we would actually force ourself to go out and socialise with strangers. Well I have to do something soon, my brain is wasting away, and I do miss traveling already, only the people who went through those things with you or did the same things understand I think.

 Anyway lately I love old school skits my sister shared some with me. This is what youtube was like just good funny skits before the beauty gurus took over. Hey but I do think about vlogging imagine vlogging your life 24/7 people watching you watch the computer hahhaa. I really like her comedy :D

Monday, 7 May 2018

Creating creativity,
my hands are numb
with doubt,
of the possibilities
that I could have run out,
evergreen greenery
emerald jewellery,
Jealousy of fantasy
of the future
 that could have been.
People breathing energy
through works that 
they were supposed to
I wish I could see
you and me,
I could see the potential
inside of me.

Doubt is a cruel word
mind is a stronger 
physical being,
psychologically tricking me
of the creating
hands that stopped 
to weave,
magical form
of mystery
curiosity didn’t stop
the man weep,
curiously making history
let it be known today
I will believe in my 

22:16 pm

Sunday, 17 December 2017


I am in Japan now, I had this sudden urge to listen to all my old youtube playlists, I remember finding beautiful music and loving when the notes would swim together in symphonies that melted my ears. I would run for those finds, I don't know why music always played a huge role in my childhood.

 lately I just needed a break from my usual brain numbing videos of Friends! I seriously think I watch this show because lets face it, the foreign world is a lonely world. I have seen this episode of black mirror where people just live in a box, watch tv shows daily, go to the gym to make energy to get money so they can continue living. I wont be surprised when the world does end up like this. The more time I spend in a capital world I realise how lonely or isolated human beings are becoming cooped in their cubicle. I cannot live this way I love to meet people, I love to communicate or know each others minds, hearts wisdom, laughter. I want to help someone maybe an old person or a lonely child at the orphanage. I want this to be my new year resolution help someone, anyone give love. The language barrier is a difficulty though since I am no where near Tokyo the out out outskirts of Japan has less foreign support.

 These days my life seems robotic It's been so long since I wrote here I feel awkward to even type, but I want to share my thoughts. I don't know why humans spend all their time worrying or in fear of doing something then realising how silly that fear or worry was the thing that isn't even real has so much power to stop our physical body. I want to be stronger because sometimes I do feel more anxious and it only seems to grow more. I just want to be creative but I am always stopping myself because of my fear right I know this, deep inside we all know who is stopping ourself, it's us.
 So I am gonna try yet again even if I stop myself I'll keep trying because I just know I just know that I am capable of this, maybe I need to be more polished and study more learn more create more connections but I can do this. This is all I have ever known or felt in my blood in my skin in my body in my dreams so no I cannot stop it. I needed to write it out too confirm myself also I do want to look back in the future and remember all the things I went through haha.

Well life is up and down as usual, I am afraid to get left behind but I realised my sister told me life isn't a race just go at your own pace and if it's making you happy just go with it. I will try.

Here are some music that gives me so much nostalgiaaaaa.

This song makes me think about romantic things and having a lover to go holiday with on a warm summer day sitting by the park reading a book or dancing aww.

Gorillaz were the first album I ever bought with my own money :D

literally always my fave Bombay bicycle club please come back some day.