i have been reading this book i found in charity shop about loving yourself. it says how unless you learn to love yourself you wont find love because you yourself are love.

i think its ofcourse easy to say.

I LOVE MYSELF

I LOVE MY SELF

i love myself

ofcourse its just my hands typing in this keyboard there isnt some shield blocking me so clearly i can write this i can say it. but somehow deep within me. theres something. something. a scar.

??

perhaps.

i wonder if depression will lead me to obesity.

since i just nearly ate a whole bar of choc whilst writing this

and that scares me

and it _____ has become my priority so much so that nothing in life matters to me.

except this

this thought

this wanting

this this this secret of mine

and its always on my mind

even when i dream

i dream it in my mind

so i wonder

if i die

if i die

then will i be peaceful?

god. if you are out there. please listen to my prayers.

because

i am so tired

:(