Monday, 10 May 2010

a day doesnt go by
without this feeling
feeling of hopelessness

why cant life be simple
i want to see through those eyes
who sees beauty in small things
why cant i be motivated in the things i do?

i had to have conversation with my parents about my life
i really dont know where to go
i feel like i need a long long break.
so why cant i take a gap year.

they think gap year is liek woahh
"u are ruining your lifee"
"you are so lucky to be here"
"so study study study"

i know studying is good
but to be honest i dont feel its necessary for everyone
its to each individual isnt it.
my dream is to build a house in pahad and live next to this beautiful view of the hillside and then paint all day i want to live in the country side. for godsake just leave me to be. why are they forcing me. fuck them fuck their shit.,

so far i got one reply from winchester only one interview.
they gave me a place ^^ it was quite beautiful there as i said.

but still
i am so unsure if i even want to do fashion
why do people alwaysss do this
they always get cold feet before the thing
is this all it is
m i getting cold feet??

i want to be free
i wanna bee i wanna be just like a melody just like a simple song like a harmony.
i was listening to glide by lily chou chou

why does no one understand.
i know that i am depressed.
and i have issues about myself
i cannot seem to deal with
i go through phases of emotions
some times i am so happy
too happy hyperactive happy
then i will be so low
so low
almost suicidal

but one thing that makes me happy
is lurking for photographs
i dunno why it calms me down
it makes me appreciate life
makes me think. you know the world isnt as bad as i make it out to be
i like the ones of japanese artists
they are soo simple
so beautiful
sometimes it shows this melachony feeling
the heaviness of society
and depression cofusion

theres are so many people in this world
yet there still exists loneliness.