Saturday, 12 December 2015

hello its nearly end of this year
 i can whole hertedly say that my mind set has become soooo 180 i dont even know who i am literally.
i dunno who m trying to be or trying to impress or trying to pretend!!
all i know is i have foudn happiness in other things then what life seems to be consumed by.
and honestly i hate being a consumer and being brainwashed not just by society but by media, every subgroup has a media some form of inspirations they are created by, how can a artist have the idea of art art was put into his or her mind by another artist, so its like a never ending loop of just creating and creating the things that are already in the world. but in a wierd way i thought it doesnt matter if it makes you happy why does it matter, i think i thought for so long how i hate unoriginality and how i am just another pig in this world but now i realise all i wan tto be is a happy pig.
i havnt been single fo rlong but i am loving my independent life somehow i think i needed this to be who i am i needed to go abroad and liv ealone in empty room with no sound but my head and the computer obssesion of internet, i really love it now and i am somehow used to my daily routine, time goes so fast i dont even realise it, its nearly my holiday to come back to uk.

i do not know what my future will be its not that i have given up on love it just seems no one really gets me and i dont get another person as well as i thought or the love i thought i would have somehting so crazy so passionate and so funn and so happy so sad so loving so romantic but so foolish i just wanted that kind of love someone i can be with forever someone i will die for i will give my life for. but its ok for now i keep thinkign abt having children because i love them and theres nothing more i want i think that love will be beyond anything anyone thought was love having your own child you couldnt love anythign more i understand my parents alot in a way as i get older, so lately i think about marriage and children and maybe i am just destined to be arrange married i dunno or i will adopt children i think i dont mind.

but my soul mate if you are out there and maybe you are reading this i dunno how things work sometimes in wierd way u r intertwined with people n u dun even kno who u r destined to be with. but for now i am happy. i have kind of thought about working at orphanage after my korea job in nepal for maybe 6 months i think i wont get any money so i need to save up but that is my destiny and goal for now. love is in my heart for all my children thats enough for me.

lately i take webcam photos of myself changing as i am getting older and somehow i am so comfortable in my own skin even tho korean air or water is making me break out like crazy i kinda love it to be so imperfect in a country where everyone desires to be perfect.

 so vain

 these photos were taken by one of my student who is so cute and always plays games with me awww